I have spent a lot of time in youth sports, both as a coach of three sports - football, wrestling, baseball - and sitting in the stands spectating. In my younger days, I always thought that wrestling parents were the craziest. This was probably fueled by my experiences seeing fathers pounding the mat like crazed zombies during their kids matches, moms screaming at referees before, during and especially after their kids matches, the occasional "scruff hold walk of shame" endured by some 10 year old kids after a tough loss, the occasional melee breaking out in the stands of a tournament, etc., etc. etc. But after many years I've come to the conclusion that most of the parents are really good people, despite the borderline psychotic/illegal behavior they may exhibit in your local gym, and that, on the whole, baseball parents are a lot worse.
First of all, as I alluded to in an earlier post, checking your emotional behavior at the door when it comes to your child participating in a combat sport can be a learned behavior. In general, the parents who have been spectating the longest are the calmest. Different parents seem to get this at different speeds, but usually the younger the kid is, the more "over the top" the parent is. So if the parent seems like a real jerk, maybe you give him/her a few years and check back. They might be a completely different person. As long as their kid is still around in the sport to check back on.
Secondly, some times what may seem like over the top behavior in our PC world, may actually have some benefit for the kid. As long as it is tempered and as non-public (re: embarrassing to your child) as possible. Let's face it, wrestling is a warrior sport. Certain non-PC aspects of your personality are rewarded out on the mat. Constant positive reinforcement may not always be the answer. Sometimes you need to "speak in plain language," especially when it comes to respect and effort. These two things that are not easy to develop at times in a combat sport. I do think that there are different ways to communicate this effectively, and these ways may need to be learned over time. See above.
Wrestling parents on the whole are "WAY BETTER" than baseball parents. I think some of this has to do with the fact that every Tom, Dick and Harry has thrown on a glove at some time or the other. Which makes them far more knowledgeable than their kids current coach about how their kid is being used in that 11 year old travel game (ha!). And baseball parents are more likely to have their kids "dabble" in the sport, which makes them much less invested and brings us back to my first point - the more time you spend being a "sport" parent, the better you get at it. Plus, a couple of other things that maybe I'll get around to in another post (these ideas may not be too PC, so I'll save them until I get a little braver with this blog).
When my younger brothers competed in high school, I was in my early to mid twenties and I attended a lot of their matches. During this period of time, one of the other wrestlers parents and I became friendly. He may or may not have done a couple of the things listed above, may or may not have actually got banned from a gym, may or may not have become a legend in "bad wrestling parent behavior" at our local high school. Let's say he may have. But as I was young, I really didn't care about much of that stuff and we became friendly, although most of the other adults treated him as if he were a leper - behind his back. But he was a really nice guy whenever we weren't in a gym and he was a very interesting guy to talk to both in and out of gyms.
About fifteen or so years later (and I hadn't seen him in over ten) I was attending his brother's viewing - his brother was my football coach in high school. He warmly greeted me and said "I can't wait 'till your boy hits the high school so I can watch him, I've been following his career." No BS at all, as genuine a statement as could come - he really WAS looking forward to watching him and probably a bunch of other fine youth wrestlers in our school's feeder system. He has a grandkid now who wrestles and I see him at some youth tournaments. His behavior is much saner, although he is still very enthusiastic. I'm sure he has a few regrets about those earlier years - maybe not so much for how his behavior reflected on him, but more so how it affected his son. But he is a good man, an interesting man and a man I am proud to know as a friend. And he always was.
No comments:
Post a Comment